moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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