You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
