Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
