I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
