but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
