great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
