Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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