We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Randomize
