Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize