C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
should my penis look like a turkey
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
