I'm laying in your front yard are you home
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
