i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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