This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
