and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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