I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
