Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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