Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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