please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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