sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize