You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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