he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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