I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
