haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
