The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
