just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
