I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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