i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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