I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
