just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
