Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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