she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
