Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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