between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I did not marry a roomba.
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