dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
