Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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