Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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