I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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