Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
please come you make the beer taste better
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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