just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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