my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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