And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
