omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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