ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
