yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
too bad you live with your parents still
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
