My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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