Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
