nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
