Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
