One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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