she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
