I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
