im six kinds of drunk right now
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize