my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
