The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
