It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
please come you make the beer taste better
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
