No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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