There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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