he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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