69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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