I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
