I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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