you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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