cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
